May Update: Decision to Stay

I want to first thank you all for your prayers. I mentioned last month that I was earnestly seeking God in the direction He would have me go regarding staying here in Ireland or coming back home. Although I denied His answer for a while, eventually I have come to embrace His call for me at this time. These past couples of months have been an interesting experience, but I am now %100 confident in the decision I have made through the leading of the Holy Spirit.
When I wrote my update last month I had begun the process of applying to Friends University in order to get my Masters Degree. I spoke with some people about living situations and was in the process of looking for a job. It has been hard being so far from home and I was very excited about the opportunity to move back to the States in order to be closer to friends and family. The more I made plans to come home, the harder it became to focus on the ministry that was happening here.
As everything was happening, I continued to pray that God would lead me to do His will and not my own. Something that I have learned in my short life is that God always speaks the loudest when He tells you something you don’t want to hear. As I was praying for God to show me His will, I continued to focus on what I wanted rather then what He wanted. As a result, I was miserable. I felt confused about His will, pulled in two different directions, and unclear about what I should do regarding this next year. God does not always speak to us in a loud boom, but is a soft whisper. He pricks us and pulls us until we submit to His will.
God’s first whisper came to me a couple of months ago when God reminded me about the story of Jonah. Jonah was displeased with the city of Nineveh and when asked to preach to them he ran away from God. I can very easily relate to this story. God has called me to minister here in Ireland, but in my heart I have been running from God looking for an excuse to come home.
God then proceeded to speak to me saying that he does not always ask us to do what we want, but to surrender to His will. We can see that even Jesus experienced this in the garden before he was arrested. He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” God does not always call us to do something that we will, but as His children we must submit to His will and not our own. Even though it was clearly God speaking to me, I quickly wrote it off as my imagination. The truth is that I was denying that God actually wanted me to stay here.
I told Kevin about my plans and he kept kidding with me telling me that I was abandoning a sinking ship. He of course was just joking with me and trusted that I was doing all I could to discern God’s will. A few weeks later I purchased a CD by an artist called Waking Ashland. Interestingly enough, God was able to use one of the songs called “On Hands on Deck” to speak to me again. The lyrics to this song say, “All hands on deck, don’t abandon the ship. You’ll never know what this could have been. All hands on deck, my ship is sinking. Don’t let me go, don’t let me drown.”
When I heard the lyrics to this song I was immediately taken back. Not too long after that, God whispered to me again. He told me, “Jared, I have only begun my work here. If you leave now, you will be extremely disappointed when you hear about what is happening. You will wish that you were a part of it.” Although it was clearly God, I once again convinced myself that it was only my imagination and that I was still unclear about God’s will for me. I continued on my plan for a Masters Degree, and continued on in the turmoil that I was creating for myself.
God continued to speak to me through scripture and through people. There are many other stories that I can tell you about what God did to speak to me. However, the final prick from God that pushed me into this decision came from a pastor at a Baptist church we visited two Sunday’s ago. He was speaking about how God will tell you clearly what he wants you to do with you life, but that He will not bend your arm behind you back and force you to do it. It was that night that I finally gave in to God and surrendered to His will for the next step in my life. It is clear that God wants me in Ireland.
Ever since I decided to make plans to stay, the confusion and indecisiveness has left me. I no longer feel pulled in two directions, but am confident that this is what God wants me to do. I believe that this first year was important to help me get my feet wet, but God has bigger things planned for Tallaght. I am excited to see what God does, and am doing everything to embrace His call on my life rather than fighting it. I feel blessed that He has called me to a troubled area and desires to use me in this place. I understand that it will still not be easy, but I have confidence that He who is in me is greater that He who is in Tallaght or the world!
I also take encouragement from the book of Jonah. When Jonah submitted to God, He did amazing things in the city of Nineveh. And as we look to Christ, it also brings up an interesting question: what would have happened if Christ decided to do his will rather than his Fathers will in heaven? God sometimes calls us to do things that are in His will and not our own. We are called to be obedient.
I have already discussed my staying with the church here, and they are delighted to keep me for another year. As far as I know, right now it is going to be alright for me to continue living in the house. As far as the rest of my financial needs, I will need to raise support again for the next year. I ask that you please be praying about this and support me again if God leads you to do so. I will still be coming home at the end of July and look forward to seeing as many of you as I can. The church here would like for me to return to Ireland by the middle of September. I trust that the Lord will provide the means for this to happen.
Thank you again. God is already beginning to do great things here changing hearts and minds. I would love to tell you more about all that, but I will wait to do so in my next letter. May His grace and peace be with you all.